On The Mind: Consciousness, Pain, and Transformation
You can listen to the audio version of this blog post by clicking here
It’s a cloudy day in Chicago. Listening to Brain by Banks I had to take the day off, resenting the covers and rest on my body. My mind’s story for the longest time is to work, hustle, and climb non-stop to survive and just make it. Years of internal work, coaching, therapy, and personal hypnosis has broken me through a lot of those barriers. From DIY Punk Anarchist Zinester and Activist to Consulting Hypnotist, Business Owner, and Professional Performer.
My kitten Jiji is stretched out on my studio desk, mewing quietly. My head is sore and pounding from this morning’s migraine. I have not had one this bad since I was in middle school. I used to get hemiplegic migraines pretty regularly - half of my body would go numb, my speech would be slurred, and my vision would be there but not 100%. This morning I had another migraine attack of this sort. My peripheral vision went away and my right arm became heavy. I think a lot about the work I do as an activist, facilitator, artist and just a millennial that has to work to earn a living and it terrifies me that I have chronic illnesses that flare up now that my nervous system has expanded it’s capacity to take in trauma.
I was (unofficially) diagnosed with interstitial cystits, along with (officially) CPTSD, occasional symptoms of Pure-O OCD and have had a cervical cancer scare. So to see this full cycle of doing inner shadow work, child work, and intergenerational trauma it is no wonder that the migraines I experienced when I was younger came back. I work in consciousness and transformation as a guiding value within my work because it is through these pains and discomforts that we rise through the ashes.
There are tears, there is discomfort, and then there is so many gifts and lessons that come from these things. I lead a really rich life filled with story, trauma, experience, privilege, poverty. It is necessary that I do art to maintain my mental health, it is necessary that I write and speak so that I can normalize this human experience of things not being all shiny all the time - despite the looks of glamor and accomplishment.
Yes, I did accomplish a lot with this life of mine so far and I intend to continue making and working with Divine Inspiration within my value systems and narratives. I just have new parameters and needs now to sustain and grow with. When I pull a tarot card in regards to this season I look at it as more lessons and empathy to understand my clients as a consulting hypnotist, facilitator, and coach. I have always been the fiery sagittarius to push the boundaries, to constantly go, and now it’s a season of learning to rest, to replenish, to connect with the silence within the pain - emotional, spiritual, and physical.
I know that this is where transformation and trust come from, and if you are reading this in your own current abyss - know that the gold that you will uncover in these shadowy depths are here to serve you, are here to make you grow, and for your story to be even richer than you can imagine.
I am right here with you.
If you found this content helpful or it brought value to your day I would appreciate sharing it for someone that may need to hear it. I also host an online facebook community to discuss these topics with other artists, creators, and urban mystics. If you are interested in working together - whether it is through hypnosis, a class, or a collaboration I would love to hear from you.